It’s a constant question in the mind of an older adult: Have I made the right financial plan so my needs will be met when I am depending on a fixed income…when I can no longer go out and get an extra job…when my children or extended family have their own financial demands?
At the same time, the loved ones of an older adult are often faced with a dilemma: the needs of a child and the needs of an older adult are equally important and also very expensive. How does one make a very difficult choice?
Debbie and Ben faced this challenge.
The Long Preparation
For twenty years, Debbie and Ben had been supporting their aunt and uncle — Bob and Sharon — as they navigated the transitions that come with aging. As their only family on the East Coast, they helped plan for continuing care, worked through end-of-life decisions, and stayed as present as they could from 400 miles away. Visits could only happen a few times a year, but they stayed engaged.
Bob and Sharon had moved into a senior community in Washington, DC, and had done all the planning. When they knew they needed extra support, they went with the recommendation of their Village and decided Seabury’s Care Management was exactly what they needed.
A Seabury Care Manager helped them coordinate medical appointments and navigate the bureaucracy of the Veteran and Social Security systems. A Life Enrichment Specialist visited weekly to check on the couple’s wellbeing and alert the Care Manager — as well as Debbie and Ben — of any emerging needs.
For a time, this worked beautifully. Still, nothing fully prepares you for the moment when everything changes.
The Moment
Sharon, like many wives, had always been the “executive function” of the duo — the one who organized, planned, and made things happen. Then she needed emergency brain surgery.
The operation went poorly, and she never recovered her verbal abilities. Within a year she had passed away, and Bob — devoted Bob, who had sat by her side every single day — experienced extreme depression and disengagement with life.
Suddenly, Debbie and Ben were Sharon’s caregivers, and the challenge was even harder than they had imagined.
How do you care for someone from 400 miles away? Someone whose cognitive abilities are declining?
“We were in a position of really caring about Bob, wanting to help him, wanting the best for him, and yet not having a strong mechanism for doing this,” Ben explained.
This is where many family caregivers find themselves trapped: wanting to do right by someone they love, but confronting very real limitations of time, distance, and resources.
Martha, Bob’s Seabury Care Manager, and Val, his Life Enrichment Specialist, became advocates, a second set of eyes, and gentle guides who understood both Bob’s needs and the family’s limitations. They weren’t just professional caregivers. They noticed when Bob’s hearing aids needed attention, brought holiday cards, coordinated medical appointments, and showed up consistently week after week.
With dedicated engagement, Bob was able to recover from his grief, stop taking antidepressants, gain weight, and find moments of happiness.
Debbie and Ben credit Martha and Val as essential elements of this recovery.
But then came a new challenge.
The Crossroads
As Bob’s 95th birthday approached and his cognitive abilities continued to decline, Debbie and Ben were faced with a challenge harder than they had imagined. They asked themselves: How much is enough?
“We had a tough discussion about how much we could keep doing for our uncle,” Ben admitted. The care was working, but some months came at a steep cost. They asked the question not because they didn’t care, but because they cared about many people — their children, a sister, a nephew, and their uncle. They asked it while trying to honor all of those obligations honestly.
This is where the Seabury Care Management Equity Fund stepped in.
Created specifically to ensure that financial barriers don’t prevent older adults from receiving the care and support they need, the Equity Fund began subsidizing a portion of Bob’s care costs. Debbie and Ben had been actively thinking about what level of care they could afford to continue.
“The Equity Fund made it possible for us to continue care for him,” Ben explained.
The Equity Fund doesn’t just provide financial relief. It provides something equally important: permission. Permission for Debbie and Ben to be the niece and nephew they wanted to be without bankrupting themselves or sacrificing other family obligations. Permission for Bob to continue receiving the weekly visits, the medical advocacy, and the attentive care that helped him maintain dignity as his abilities declined.
Our Equity Fund
The Care Management Equity Fund is unique. Funded solely by private giving, it is a beautiful example of a caring community. Bob is fortunate to have the support of a loving niece and nephew who continue to show up for him, even from a distance — but he is also the beneficiary of scores of people who give to the Equity Fund because they believe everyone should be able to age with dignity.
When asked to describe Seabury in one word, Ben immediately said: “Trust.”
Debbie added: “Honest. There’s something very real about Seabury. They know what they’re doing and they’re very compassionate.”
Caregiving isn’t always about being the one who can do it all. Sometimes it’s about finding the support that allows you to keep showing up, keep caring, and keep honoring the people who matter to you. The Care Management Equity Fund is that support — the ally that helps families continue their journey when the path becomes too difficult to travel alone.
You can donate to the Care Management Equity Fund by clicking the button on our Care Management page or visiting our donation page here: https://donorbox.org/care-management-equity-fund
